I think I won the penis lottery.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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