Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
