Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
