i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
