I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
