Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
