The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
