No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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