Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
