Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
