White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
