1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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