Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
