some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
