My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
