My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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