I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
