Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
