Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
