who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
