My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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