I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
