Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
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