talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
