Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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