I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You can't special order awesome
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
