I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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