Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who died my cat blue again?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize