epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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