Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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