i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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