I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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