im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
