yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
