Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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