I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
