I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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