i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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