she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
