nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
