Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
