I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
