Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
