HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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