i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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