Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
