I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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