3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
