May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
