Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
