those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
