My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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