I didn't shave. On purpose
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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