I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
