Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The air was thick with penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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