she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
