carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
