i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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