Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
