weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
