I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
