My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
