You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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