hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
