Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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