My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
