it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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