The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
