I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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