I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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