If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
