butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
