does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize