if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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