Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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