My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
