who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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