Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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