don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
