I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
