I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
