Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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