You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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