i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
