Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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