wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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