So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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