Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
