You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
